The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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