Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
