When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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