It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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