dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
