just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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