Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
