your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cannot find my penis.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
