i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
