so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
