Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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