what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
