My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
