dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just had sex bonerless
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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