So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
