Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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