i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
