I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
