You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
