theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
