What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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