I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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