This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
