I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's rum buckets o'clock
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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