If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
