she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
