1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
