...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
