chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
