I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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