Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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