He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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