I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
