Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
