You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
