he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
