I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
