Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
