ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
