Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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