i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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