what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
