Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
