We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
