the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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