i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
