She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
