Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
