okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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