mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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