I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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