i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it hurts more in the daytime
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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