I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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